In the beginning, there was Moral Science. Most of us had it as a subject in school.
We didn't take it seriously because the subject was 'not added', i.e. how you fared in this paper didn't make a jot of difference to your report card.
It was never on a par with maths, English and the sciences. In effect, the education system was telling us: look, we'll teach you how to be good but please don't take it as gospel.
Moral Science was, at some stage, replaced by something called 'Value Education.'
The difference was imperceptible.
The emphasis again was on good habits, respect for elders, and other such succulent nonsense.
We were expected at all times to behave like the Adarsh Balak (the Ideal Child) in the ubiquitous poster.
It scarred an entire generation.
Amit Chaudhuri sang about it recently: "When you are waking up/ You must first wash face at tap/ And do all necessary ablutions./ Then after you are having shower/ You must sit for half an hour/ Preparing for the day's tuition./ Always be meek and mild/ Never be loud and wild/ Once a morning bow your head and pray./ Eat your breakfast happily/ To your grandparents say 'haanji'/ To your parents do 'namastey'./ Your destiny is our concern/ And cause for trepidation/ But hear this song/ You can't go wrong/ With a moral education."
It seems that the destiny of India's next generation remains a matter of concern.
The CBSE has revamped the syllabus for Value Education by injecting it with a heavy dose of Bollywood.
Given how the majority of our politicians conduct themselves, I would have thought that most parents would rather that politicians didn't interfere with how we bring up our children. But they have. Let's examine this latest intervention.
The CBSE has listed 47 films, both old and new, which it feels "highlight social and moral values."
They include Boot Polish (promotes dignity of labour), Lage Raho Munnabhai (promotes Gandhian philosophy), Lagaan (adds to knowledge of colonial history), and Baghban (problems of old age).
That we've turned to Hindi cinema for moral guidance is perhaps not a matter of surprise.
Bollywood plays a primary role in the 'intellectual' life of this country. Bollywood lyricists have been elevated to the stature of public intellectuals.
Aamir Khan goes about changing lives through his show. So why can't Hindi films provide our kids with a moral centre? The reasons are many.
For one, it smacks of poverty of the imagination.
Most of the subjects that these films discuss have been written about much more intelligently and entertainingly, and in an equally accessible manner, by our journalists, historians, sociologists, novelists and poets.
I see no reason why some of this extant material is not brought into the curriculum.
Two, all the films listed are in Hindi. CBSE is a national board.
We speak in many tongues. I'm not sure if children across the country will be able to follow Hindi dialogue to the extent the CBSE hopes they will.
Three, children have short attention spans; they relate more to contemporary references.
It might sound like a good idea to a bureaucrat, but try making a class of 14-yearolds sit still and watch Do Ankhen Barah Haath (one of the listed films).
Chances are they'll be bored stiff, and the hapless teacher will end up with a very restless class on her hands.
Four, if Bollywood had to change anything, it would have changed it by now.
When Charles Dickens' novel Nicholas Nickleby came out, it led to fundamental reforms in the English education system.
Nothing of the sort has happened with a Hindi film.
These films are not going to be more effective, simply because they have been made part of the school curriculum.
Five, cinema's job is to entertain. Why thrust the burden of social responsibility on culture?
A film might slip in the odd message here and there but that's not its primary responsibility.
It looks like the state has abdicated its role and conveniently passed it on to showbiz. Six, commercial Hindi cinema is made to a formula. The idea is to get the box office cash registers ringing. These are simplistic films where good always prevails over evil.
As we all know, real life (especially in India) is much more complex. If you have to show children films, why not show them films that are less idealistic, which have more shades of gray, and which prepare them for the complexities of the real world.
Since the CBSE has lobbed absurdities in our court, surely we can lob some back into theirs. Bollywood can be put to better use. CBSE's list is loaded with patriotic films, from LOC to Mangal Pande.
We really don't need so much jingoism in 21st century India. Why not use Hindi cinema to teach our kids about the evils of plagiarism.
Show them a Hollywood film, and then the Indian copy.
Show them Dev D-it'll teach them about love in the modern world and the pitfalls of drugs.
Many of this generation will grow up and enter into live-in relationships.
Show them Wake Up Sid.
For the nexus between the mafia and politicians, there's Company. When these kids enter adulthood, they'll want to buy a house. Let's show them Khosla Ka Ghosla.
In the Noughties, I spent a good few years doing public school teaching. There were these two guys who'd come around every morning and go from class to class teaching 'life skills'.
The boys would laugh behind their backs. There might have been a Christian component to the lessons-one of the duo was an ex junkie and a Born-Again.
I taught Practical Ethics and Moral Philosophy to the senior classes. I used the German philosopher Immanuel Kant to teach the students about altruism and the limits of free will.
I used the Australian philosopher Peter Singer to discuss contentious issues: the concept of equality, capital punishment, abortion, euthanasia, infanticide, climate change.
Some years later, when I met my former students for a beer, they were still talking about some of these questions, relating them to the world around them.
Any teacher will tell you, there's nothing more heartening than knowing that some of what one taught is permanently embedded in a student's mind.
I used philosophy to teach them to think about the relationship between self and society, right and wrong, means and ends.
The method was more Socratic dialectic than talking down. For the first time they asked themselves the question: What does it mean to be moral?
There are ways and ways of adding value to education, of making sure that our children are able to think independently, and without prejudice, about important issues.
Making them watch LOC is not going to help in this. Whoever thought of this fatuous idea needs a cold shower. Our children deserve better.
